i desperately need to be a donor or become from a vampire

i have been fascinated by all things dark, especially vammpirism since i was barely a 4 year old girl. i watched any vamp flick,books, television. when i got older my dolls were made to look like them. as i grew older i began to dress all in black,and this was before "goth" or "emo". i have been travelling this path alone. i live in a tiny backwater, and there are no others like myself. i hope here i can be a donor, or actually become a vampire my darkest wildest dream come true. please guide me. i am so alone